


A Little Starved

by kyuubi_wench



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Mentions of Blood, Touch Hunger, abuse of the word 'fuck', all the kids make an appearance, but I'm not tagging the whole group, but far less than what you actually get in the show, i should probably tag this as, the relationship is tagged as there's feels about it, this is mostly Klaus centric anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 15:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18472132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuubi_wench/pseuds/kyuubi_wench
Summary: Klaus hasn't been touched with actual affection in far too long. He's not coping particularly well.





	A Little Starved

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly an exploration is touch-hunger and some of the things I saw in the way Klaus acted around people. Kiiinda angsty but lot less hurt than the actual show. Klaus and Ben are (IMO) both absolutely touch starved and nothing the show gives me decries that at all. Expect to have your feels yanked on a bit. Good ending. 
> 
> All my thanks to starofwinter and kristune for encouraging me into the show and fandom. These are for you, lovelies!! 
> 
> The final bit was inspired by this post: https://kristsune.tumblr.com/post/184187913834/cindersart-after-our-brother-ben-had-died

Klaus doesn't like to think about it- in fact, he'll go out of his way to make sure that he  _ can't _ think about it. 

 

He's been lonely for ages. In a group of misfit kids, he's an even bigger misfit- the one who can see dead people, the one who likes to borrow his sisters’ clothes, the one who doesn't have a problem letting himself cry. Who gives a fuck if they know he's upset- it's not like they'd actually  _ do anything about it _ . 

 

And at the same, terrible time, he always has unwanted company. The ghosts- so many are so angry, so upset, and when they come they swarm and scream and  _ fuck _ he would give anything to have some  _ fucking quiet _ from them.

 

And then all the fucking shit happens- and fuck but does he hate being sober, even with Ben there, an ever faithful shadow. He's asked Ben once why he stuck around  _ him _ . 

 

_ Where else would I go, Klaus?  _

  
-

 

Ben isn't there when Klaus rides the time warping suitcase. At least, Ben isn't in the when he goes to, and Klaus is dragged to being half sober and shaking and  _ not ready for any of this _ . He drinks when he can- the battlefield in areas is actually  _ worse _ than the damn mausoleum had been- but there is not sweet escape for drugs. There's morphine the medics keep eyes on, and a few other things. 

 

There's always a  _ but _ in this equation. 

 

Klaus was not expecting to have Dave be the soothing balm on his fractured sanity. Sweet touches calming the raging scream of loneliness that Klaus always swallows down. Gentle kisses of  _ you are not alone I am here touch me _ . Fingers curling around his neck  _ stay with me in this moment _ . 

 

Soft secret smiles that say  _ I love you _ even in a place where death nips at their heels and hell would break loose if they were caught out by the wrong person.

 

He falls harder than he ever thought he would, for the man who sees him as a person and not just a power to be used, not just a junkie, not some puppet. Dave treats him as another  _ actual person _ with a soul and feelings and wishes- 

 

For once, Klaus isn't  _ alone. _

 

When war rips Dave away, Klaus sobs into the night, the screams caught somewhere in his chest where they won't come out. He's almost half grateful for the pounding in his skull leftover from some third rate liquor they'd found earlier, numbing the sharpest edges and the stronger ghosts. 

 

It doesn't keep his heart from shattering into a million pieces. 

 

_ The only person I've ever truly loved more than myself _ . 

 

He almost forgets about the suitcase, still doesn't know how it works. But in his agonized grief he kicks it, then scrabbles at the locks with bloodied fingers. He can't stay here, refuses to stay in the place where his heart has been ripped out and trampled into the mud, wishes for just a second that he could change this, maybe go back,  _ back _ to that night when he first landed in the tent, start over-

 

The case sends him forward instead, back to that bus, back to the time when no one cares- and he's too numb with shock and grief to want to be anything but angry. Angry with the suitcase, angry about the trip, angry that he's  _ still fucking alone _ . 

 

Worse than ever, still alone. Still drunk, which is not nearly as effective as the drugs but he's got some stashed, he thinks- 

 

The case exploding barely registers when the grief comes back up and slaps him down again. He's torn between wanting to escape into that blissful silence of a high, and wanting to see Dave, and all he can do is curl up and cry. 

  
  


\------

  
  
  


He's miserable and starving. Not for food. Not that kind of hunger. He'd been denying it for so damn long, he thought he'd managed to make himself not-hungry anymore. 

 

Dave had woken that back up. Soothed the hunger with soft touches and gentle caresses. Made him feel wanted, treasured. Not for his power, not for his money. But just as  _ him _ \- another person who could love and be gentle when the war raged on fearsomely around them. 

 

Dave had reminded him what he was missing, what he craved. 

 

What Klaus  _ needed _ , even more than the drugs. 

 

He hates being sober. He hates how open it makes him feel. But. 

 

He hates being lonely. And now that he knows what it is to have had someone who genuinely cares? 

 

He shoves the thought he may not be able to summon Dave into the same dark corner of his mind that the touch starved feeling had once hidden. 

 

He sobers up. 

 

Ben, when Klaus can get his powers to work enough, throws himself at his brother and squeezes him into a rib creaking hug. The bruise screams in agony, but Klaus can't even say anything. 

 

If he can bring his brother here enough, he might be able to with Dave. Klaus cries into Ben's hoodie and lays there holding empty air long after Ben goes ghostly again, his power's effects fading. 

 

Klaus lets himself drift around what remains of his family, as fucked up as they are. And if he leans into the small touches more than normal, well. He's taking what he can get. 

 

Diego, as brash and hot headed as he can be, is the one that tends to give out more frequent, smaller touches- shoulder grabs bumps and nudges, a touch to neck or back, a very brief hug-not-hug. Small things. Good things.

 

Five tends to not touch them all very much, and from what little Klaus has heard of what their time traveling brother has been through, he can't blame him. 

 

Loneliness does that to a person. 

 

Klaus doesn't let himself think on that too hard, either. But he also doesn't let that knowledge keep him from calling his “little” brother out, either- if the sarcastic little fuck can make digs at him, Klaus refuses to hesitate on dishing it back out. 

 

The rest he takes as he gets, sometimes gentle, often not. He doesn't expect them to know, or understand- they're all fucked in the head, anyway. And he still can't make himself speak of it.

 

It isn't until his family  _ sees _ him- sees Ben and sees his powers at work and he's as vital to whatever this mess is- 

 

It's then he allows himself a small sliver of hope. Maybe now they will accept him as being a valid working part of the team. Maybe now-

 

He stomps on the word  _ love _ as it shivers in his brain, and smiles shakily at his family, and swallows around a lump in his throat that would be a name. 

 

He’s sober, and still can’t summon his love.

 

But they have far more things to deal with, in the now. 

  
  


\-------------------

 

( - some indefinite time after the S1 Finale - )

  
  


_ Please try _ Ben begs. 

 

He’s done it properly, once. Klaus shivers a bit and wraps his hands around his shoulders. “If I fail-” he mutters, fingers scratching at skin.

 

_ They know I  _ actually  _ exist now. _

 

Ben places a hand over his, a phantom shiver of cool but no pressure- Klaus isn’t pulling on his power so Ben can’t touch him, not really.

 

_ Call the rest. Please. _

 

Klaus takes a shaky breath. He can do this. 

 

For Ben. 

 

For all of them.

  
  
  


 

They turn up in the den, and for once no one even touches the bar. The couches get shoved away, furniture moved to make sure there is room for all of them. And because he is a corny fucking hellion, Klaus prods them all into standing in a circle. 

 

What he can see, and they can’t - yet- is Ben standing in the middle, faint hope on his face. He’s the one that’s had faith in Klaus’ abilities for longer than Klaus has had. Ben’s smiling at him. 

 

The rest- Vanya looks hopeful, Diego cautious, and Luther has that look like he’s trying to be serious because otherwise he might break down. Five is shivering faintly, but then- he’s gone the longest without seeing their brother. Longer than any of them. Allison puts a hand on Klaus’ shoulder. 

 

She’s still touching him when Klaus calls the unholy energy that lets him bridge the Between, flecks of power lighting up his fingers. Ben glows faintly in return, and Klaus reaches out one hand-

 

Touches the center of Ben’s chest. 

 

Vanya makes a kicked- puppy sound and immediately reaches out to touch the hoodie, touch  _ Ben _ , here on this side. He’s glowing with Klaus’ power, ghost brought to solid shape. Allison mirrors her a moment later, and Ben looks into Klaus’ eyes with his own shedding tears. 

 

Luther reaches over a heavy hand and ruffles Ben’s hair, and it’s such an unexpected, affectionate gesture they all laugh for a moment. But Luther is the first to wrap their brother in a tight hug- gentle the way Luther has had to reteach himself how to be, but tight. Vanya barely waits until Luther lets Ben go, before giving her own quick hug, careful to not knock into Klaus. 

 

Diego curls a calloused hand along Ben’s cheek when Vanya steps back, is mimicked on Klaus’ other side by Allison, both of them smiling soft hurt smiles. It takes a moment for Five to reach out, worry and wonder and things Klaus is no longer familiar with on their ‘littlest’ brother’s face. 

 

They stand in that circle and touch Ben, hugging him when someone has the urge to, ruffling his hair, not letting him hide in the hoodie. It doesn’t really take more than a few minutes, not even enough time to exchange more than a few quick “miss you” and “sorry” between them all. 

 

Klaus silently plants his feet and keeps Ben there for as long as he can make the flickers last. Gives something back to his family that only he can. 

 

And when the floor rushes up to meet him and the circle is left standing empty as Ben fades back to the other side. 

 

Klaus doesn’t have a single damn regret. 

 


End file.
